Do you feel guilty when you relax?
Does it feel to you like you are skiving off or shirking your responsibilities?
If the answer to those questions is “yes” then I am here to tell you that you are wrong 🙂
We live in a world where our attention is constantly being demanded. Family, friends, work, administration, our devices, our bodies, our homes, our vehicles – it seems that there is always something screaming for attention, always something that needs fixing or buying or remembering to do. It can all become very overwhelming. Sometimes I feel that I’m just dragging myself from one thing to the next on the multiple, never-ending to-do lists. It’s too much. There is definitely no time or space for the luxury for relaxation in the midst of so many demands, right?
So wrong. I know it’s hard to hear, when you have so many demands on your time, that you need to add another thing to the to-do list: relax. How is that even possible when you already have to much to do? It sounds crazy and undoable. But please hear me out because this is so important: it is in the times of the most busy-ness and chaos that we absolutely need to carve some time out of the busy schedule for relaxation of the mind and the body. If we neglect to do this, most certainly some event will force us to take a break. Some event will occur that will force us to rest – even when it is against our will. How many times have seen either yourself or somebody else running like crazy to manage everything in their lives, stressed and exhausted but you / they keep going and going and then boom! An injury or sickness lays you low and you are confined to the bed or the couch with no choice in the matter. Enforced rest. Like it or not.
We hear of people burning out at work – the constant and prolonged stress is too much. Professional athletes are forced to retire because their bodies simply give out. It seems that even children are buckling under the weight of school and home work and extra-curricular activities. Humanity has become the hamster on the wheel, running like crazy, to the point of exhaustion, going nowhere.
The antidote: relaxation. Making even the smallest amount of time available to yourself for just a little bit of relaxation is the key that gives you back your life. Slowly, very slowly in the beginning, to be sure, but it is an investment that will yield interest as you build up your skills over time. Relaxation is the tool that gives you back your mental and inner strength, which results in you having agency and power restored to you. Relaxation is the magic spell that opens up the inner spaces that us humans so desperately need to have, to be the best versions of ourselves.
By cultivating our inner spaces, we build the capacity for patience and kindness, for calm in the face of any event, for equanimity. When one has given oneself the gift of equanimity, then all the magic starts happening 🙂
So, where to start?
Step 1:
The first step is always the intention – the firm decision and resolution to make it so.
If five minutes is all you feel you can commit to right now, then that is where you begin. If you can set aside 15 or 30 minutes, even better. Make the decision to give yourself this gift of time and then plan when you can do this. Perhaps early morning, before the chaos of the day kicks in, will be the best time to book this slot of time for yourself. Perhaps at night when everyone else has gone to bed and there is quiet. Perhaps in your lunch time, you can find a secluded spot where you won’t be bothered. Book this time in your schedule like it is the most important event of the day, because it is.
Step 2:
If you have 5 minutes, then one of the things you can do is search for a 5-minute meditation on Youtube, there are some lovely ones to be found. Here is a link to a 5-minute relaxation session on the Goodful channel.Â
If you have 15 minutes, here is a lovely 15-minutes session on the Artist Morning channel. It doesn’t have to be done in the morning – any time is fine 🙂
And if you can do this somewhere in nature or close to water, that would be a huge bonus. Of course this is not going to be possible all the time, but if you could put yourself in a place that is even just a little bit beautiful, then do it. If you have a big screen you could even put on a video of some beautiful scenery and that will strengthen the effect of the relaxation.
Step 3:
Thank yourself for making the time for yourself. This investment into your own being is something that will be paying you dividends in ways that, in time, will be magical.
And that is it! That is the start!
Start small, with short time periods, to keep it easy for you. This is going to be like exercising a muscle that has been still for a long time – it’s going to need some gently waking up and stretching to get it going. Also, a small time commitment is going to be so much easier to stick to. And that is very important: building consistency. Five minutes per day, every day is much, much better than 30 minutes once a month. Build consistency, really embed your little practice in your day.
And then when you can, increase your time. Start with small increments. Keep building consistency. You will find that when you miss a day – and this will happen – you miss your little moment of peace. When you miss a day, don’t worry about it, just come back tomorrow and carry on.
And like any muscle, when you exercise it consistently over an amount of time, your relaxation muscle will become stronger and stronger. This strength is what leads to being able to maintain a state of equanimity. And that is where the magic is…
